Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
