I cockslap morals
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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