Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
