We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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