You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
