she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
