She is in my trunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You have to summon your inner elephant
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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