Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize