no, he came in my armpit
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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