theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
