Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize