when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
