I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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