I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there was a trapeze. enough said
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
