I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
