I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
