you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize