Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
