We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
