I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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