dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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