Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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