In the future we'll all be gay
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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