so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
