all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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