I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
