Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize