Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
