i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
