this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
