i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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