Tell her she can't have a vagina
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
