yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize