Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
