Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize