I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
