i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize