We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
