i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
