At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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