Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
