I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize