Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
