i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize