There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
