got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
