Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you traded sex for a burrito?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
