The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
