Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
