Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
