she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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