The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
