i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
