just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
