And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
