I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
