my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
