That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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