Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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