It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
