nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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