Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
