That's intense
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
