If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
