I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
