U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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