I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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