it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
