pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
