Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
